


Fish Don't Know How to Talk, Dumbshit

by obsidianPenitent



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Blood and Gore, Humanstuck, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-27
Updated: 2013-06-09
Packaged: 2017-12-13 04:21:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/819915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/obsidianPenitent/pseuds/obsidianPenitent
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: how about some humanstuck erisol with wizard eridan finding a golden fish in a lake and turning it into a merman sollux? that would be awesome if you could do it nwn</p><p>DISCONTINUED<br/>i'm so sorry i'm just not interested in homestuck as much anymore thank you all so much</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In which a wizard is kind of an idiot

**Author's Note:**

> This is fun  
> Heed the tags please

As he explored his new territory, Eridan came upon a lake.

“No one said anythin’ about no water fixture,” he grumbled, approaching the shore with apprehension, for he knew there could be any number of beasts lurking in it’s depths.

Before long, Eridan found himself wading in the shallows, his cape and top layers lying on the sand behind him. The lake was surprisingly lifeless, having seen nothing but bare rocks. No fish, no algae, no weeds.

“Of course that stupid dragon would have a poisonous lake and of course I would go swimmin’ in it without thinkin’,” he mumbled, sinking lower, “…Fuck it.” And cast a protective spell on himself, diving under.

While feeling the rocks for any sort of growth, Eridan glanced up, noting a faint glimmer in the distant water. After grabbing a quick breath, he dove again, swimming out towards that glimmer. It moved.

He followed.

Eridan swam for what seemed like millenia, chasing this golden shimmer. About to give up, he took one last dive, searching the rocks, peering into every crevice, until finally, finally! He caught sight of a golden tail slipping between two rocks.

Reaching inside, Eridan nearly jumped out of his skin when he brushed against something slick and alive. Said something promptly clamped it’s mouth around his hand, forcing Eridan to fight to the surface, struggling to keep a hold on this creature and get a fresh breath.

He was able to reach the shallows again, barely hanging onto the creature's mouth to keep it from escaping. Eridan looked down, trying to interpret what sort of monster had been eluding for the past few hours. It was

A fish.

“A fuckin’ fish.”

With a burst of strength, Eridan yanked the literal goldfish closer, glaring his annoyance.

“Look, gumgills,” he snapped, the fish looking up with one large, red eye, “I won this land, I slayed that wanker dragon. You are mine.”

The fish only turned, revealing a second, blue eye.

“Augh, whatever, I’ll make you understand!” Eridan yelled, conjuring a thin rope, weaving it through the fish’s mouth and gills, making it spill out golden blood. It struggled to get free, nearly thrashing itself to death as Eridan tied the rope to a nearby tree.

“I am a noble and powerful wizard. You _will_ fear me.” His darkened gaze falling on the fish.

With a flick of his wrist, his wand was in his hand. As it began to glow a soft white, he pointed it at the fish.

“I will _make_ you fear me.”

The wand erupted white light onto the fish, devouring it’s image from Eridan’s sight.


	2. Damn Fishboy, How Are You Going to Fix This?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eridan doesn't think things through and our fishy friend is gonna die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gore! Please heed the tags!  
> Also, it seems so much longer when I type it up and then it's not that long at all and I apologize

Swim swim swim swim swim swim swim

Getawaygetawaygetaway rock

Nonononono gillgillgillgill

Pain

Painpainpainpainpainpainpainpain

Light light light lightlightlightlightlightlightli

Painhurtdyingdyingdying

Painpainpain

In pain

I am in pain.

I can’t breathe.

I think I’m dying.

~*~

Eridan shielded his eyes a bit too late as the light from his wand began to fade. He could still hear the fish floundering as it failed to escape. He blinked until his vision was good enough to see into the water, which was stained a strange yellow.

_Wait._

_Shit._

“Shit.”

The rope was still looped through the, well, not-so-fishy fish’s gills, leaving a large, gaping hole in the side of its neck. Eridan watched in growing horror as the now merman thrashed until the rope was just around its jaw, unaware it was killing itself. Before he could cut the rope, it broke and the merman swam off, leaving a very obvious trail of blood behind.

~*~

_I_

_It hurts_

_I am dying_

You are a fish—or you were a fish—you’re not quite sure what you are now.

There is something stuck inside of you and you cannot get it out. It hurts so much.

You move your not-a-fin to where it hurts the most, trying to grip the object and only pulling it tighter.

You’re eyes are starting to blur, making it near impossible to see through the murky water. You reach blindly and cut your fin on a sharp thing. Perfect.

Gripping the thing shreds your fin more but it distracts you from the pain in your everywhere else. You can’t seem to get the thing to get the other thing out, only cutting more of your flesh and making the water murkier, your vision more blurry.

You finally wrangle the sharp thing under the object, scraping bone and flinging flesh into the water. It takes most of your energy to move your fin up and down, slowly loosening whatever it is until the end slips through what is left of your gills and mouth.

There are pieces of you floating before your eyes but you can’t find yourself to care. You are dying. There’s nothing you can do about it except

Maybe

Sleep

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a hard time figuring out how and when to transition fish thoughts into human thoughts, and if deciding if fish think in the first place. There is going to definitely be more hardcore body-horror and gore in the next chapter because Eridan's vocabulary is much wider than Sollux's.  
> Feedback and criticism is appreciated and welcomed


End file.
